Title: his flower language
Rating: G
Fandom: Kiseki, specifically Hajimari no Kiseki
Relationship: Lloyd Bannings/Rean Schwarzer
Wordcount: 1407
Short summary: Rean has purple lilies for Lloyd for their long-awaited meetup, but Lloyd’s reaction to them is unexpected, leading to some truths being revealed.
5 minutes until the appointed meeting time with Lloyd and Rean is running through every exercise he can think of to calm himself down. Deep breaths? Done – five times in the past five minutes. ARCUS check? Done – no new messages suggesting any last minute emergencies or cancellations. Mirror check? Done - his clothes are clean and neatly pressed, his hair brushed, his face moisturized and lips looking smooth. Money check? Done – Rean should have more than enough money to pay for both of them. Flower check? Done – the purple lilies have been secured into a bouquet by a silver ribbon. Simple and effective, hopefully. Well, Altina had assured Rean that lilies were nice flowers, and the color being close to that of his eyes would signal that…
Wait, it’s not going to be weird to give Lloyd flowers, right? It’s just… been so long since the two of them have been able to see each other in person. And maybe they are just going to go to a restaurant for dinner, but saying that he’s been looking forward to this feels like a big understatement. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about tonight’s meetup? It’s not a “date” because Rean didn’t use that word specifically, but in his heart he feels…
He can only hope Lloyd is looking forward to this too.
Running a hand through his bangs once more, Rean determinedly leaves his hotel room and heads down to the lobby where he is to meet Lloyd. He sticks to walking down the stairs even if his heart alternates between wanting to skip and wanting to run; he does not need to get himself in an accident. Aidios, he feels insane right now. He just needs to see Lloyd…
“Rean?”
“L-lloyd?”
In his excitement upon seeing Lloyd in the flesh, Rean reflexively thrusts the bouquet of purple lilies forwards. Oh no, he probably should explain but… It’s too late to pretend. He watches as Lloyd blinks in surprise before taking a step backwards.
“Did you…did you pick lilies on purpose?” Lloyd asks, a wary look on his face.
“I thought they looked nice?” Rean feels a sense of dread. This is not how things are supposed to go. He tries not to start catastrophizing. With effort, he manages to smile and ask, “Is there something wrong?”
“No, it’s just…” Lloyd laughs awkwardly. “Rean…uh…let’s…” Lloyd looks around before taking a deep breath. “Let’s go somewhere to talk.”
Rean follows Lloyd quietly, his heart racing, his breath short. He puts the lilies away so they are out of sight. <em>What had he been thinking?</em> The lilies must have been too much. Lloyd probably doesn’t like Rean as anything more than a colleague or an interesting penpal. He’s such an idiot for seeing something that isn’t there.
Lloyd leads them outside the hotel to a narrow alleyway. He stops partway in. Rean stops too, a few arge away.
“I wanted to tell you at some point…” Lloyd takes a deep breath and smiles sheepishly. “No time like the present.”
Rean, meanwhile, holds his breath, his heart pounding in his chest. This is going to be it, the rejection of Rean’s feelings.
“I’m trans.”
Huh?
“My birth name is Lily.”
Wait a second… Rean looks down at the bouquet of flowers he is still holding in his right hand. Lily…
Lloyd chuckles. “Let me explain.”
“I don’t know how I was when I was really young, when my parents were still alive, but I think I didn’t want to wear ponytails or pigtails or really have my hair long at all.”
Rean tried to keep a neutral expression on his face, planned to keep a neutral expression on his face during Lloyd’s explanation, but he slips a smile imagining a young Lloyd with pigtails. It would have been cute, but…
“When Guy tried to have me wear a dress I apparently threw a huge tantrum? Instead I grew up wearing hand-me-downs and saying I wanted to be just like him.”
Rean will admit he is curious about what a Lloyd tantrum would look like. But not enough to see one right now.
“I don’t know if I picked the name ‘Lloyd’ or if Guy did, but I always liked it. I went to school under that name and all my friends have used that name since I was a kid. Guy introduced me as Lloyd to his friends and coworkers too, but I didn’t get it legally changed until a few years ago, after I started with the SSS.”
Wait, so does that mean… “That late?”
Rean belatedly realizes that the question is rather rude…rather personal…and it would be perfectly fine if Lloyd just brushed him off. But Lloyd gives Rean a smile.
“I hadn’t actually decided whether I’d fully transition yet before Guy died… But when I lived with my uncle, I decided to go ahead and…” Lloyd points at his own chest. “Well, you can see the result.”
Rean feels his cheeks heat up as his eyes follow Lloyd’s hands. Underneath that shirt there was a chest that Rean had thought about in ways that were definitely not appropriate for polite company.
Rean coughs awkwardly. “Lloyd…” His cheeks are likely still red; he’d hide his face in embarrassment if these words weren’t more important. “I’m sorry for being so insensitive.”
Lloyd laughs. “It’s not your fault! Due to medicine, I know I look basically the same as any other man on the outside. I don’t even need a binder so…” He coughs. “Anyway, that’s why I’m awkward about lilies.”
“Hah…” Rean can’t help but sigh. Of course things couldn’t be smooth. He just had to choose the wrong flower. Although he is also happy that he’s learned something new about Lloyd…
“It feels good to have finally told you this.” Lloyd smiles sheepishly. “You’re really important to me and…”
“It doesn’t change who you are to me!”
“Rean!” Lloyd seems taken aback by Rean’s strong declaration.
“You are Lloyd, no matter if you are male or female or in between. Whatever you identify as, whatever body you have… You’ll always be you.”
And Rean is still very much in love with Lloyd even with this new information.
Lloyd blinks a few times. Were those…tears? “Thanks, Rean.” He lets out a deep exhale. “Uh, so… Should we go get dinner now?”
Lloyd starts to leave the alleyway but Rean grabs hold of his right arm with his left hand.
“Wait!” Sensing that Lloyd won’t move now, Rean continues. “Lloyd, I…”
But words get stuck in his throat. The bouquet is still in his right hand. Should he do something about that?
“Rean?”
Rean squeezes the bouquet. “I was asking you out on a date. Or I wanted to ask you out on a date. Not just dinner. But I was scared.” He bites his lip and averts his gaze. “I think you should know that.”
“A date…with me?”
“Yeah.” Rean looks at Lloyd directly once more. “I like you…a lot.”
Lloyd nods. “That’s good.” He reaches out with left hand and grasps onto Rean’s right wrist, just above where the bouquet is still being held. “I like you a lot too, Rean.”
A moment passes and Rean debates whether he should move in closer and try for a kiss or wait until after dinner. But at least Lloyd said he likes Rean! Is there anything that could make him happier?
Lloyd smiles as he withdraws his hand. It seems the moment has passed. Rean removes his hand off Lloyd’s arm in return. He prepares to start walking, following Lloyd to the restaurant of their original plan before this detour. He still holds the bouquet, a bit awkwardly.
“By the way, did you know that offering purple lilies to someone can signify that you are crazy about the person or that you want to seduce them?”
What?
Lloyd laughs. “Just thought that it would be funny if you meant that.”
Rean finds himself shocked still for a few moments. So does Lloyd know just how much Rean likes him and is teasing him? Or is Lloyd oblivious? Either way… Rean feels like his heart is on fire.
I am crazy about you, definitely. As for the seduction part… Purple lilies may have been a little too much… But maybe, after dinner, Rean will try to offer them to Lloyd again?
He can only hope Lloyd will accept them then…