Title: if only...
Rating: G
Fandom: Judgment
Relationship: Fujii Mafuyu/Shirosaki Saori
Wordcount: 550
Short summary: Saori has a secret she'll never confess out loud.
Saori has a secret that she’ll never confess out loud.
She suspects that Yagami knows it by the way he eyes her and the way she holds Hoshino’s hand. He smiles at Hoshino while Hoshino talks to him animatedly, but Saori sees his eyes glancing again and again at their joined hands, like he’s saying “are you really going to keep this up?”
Yes, Saori thinks, maybe I want to have someone like me this way, since she won’t. Saori doesn’t loosen her grip on Hoshino’s hand even if it makes Yagami uncomfortable. Yagami eventually leaves with one last lingering stern look.
A few minutes later Genda returns. Saori separates from Hoshino at this point as they get back to business. Genda isn’t as obviously disapproving. He has simply said to “keep romance out of the office”. Saori can’t tell if he knows her secret too.
After work Hoshino and Saori leave the office together. Even if it’s out of his way, Hoshino wants to see her off at her train stop. Saori grips Hoshino’s hand like it’s a lifeline. Because she’s spent years drowning in feelings for someone who sees her as just a friend. She knows she can’t make that person happy. If not even Yagami could make her happy… Saori knows she should have moved on years ago, but she’s always wanted first to… wait is that…
“Saori?”
Saori jerks back, only staying upright due to Hoshino’s grip on her hand. Saori musters her most reassuring smile for Hoshino all while telling herself that no, that wasn’t Mafuyu over there. Saori needs to get her act together. She should be trying harder; if Hoshino is showing concern then…
“You’re really tired, huh? Take it easy tonight.”
“Thanks, Hoshino.”
Maybe Saori is tired, because she still thinks Mafuyu is over there, looking at her and Hoshino with a frown. Mafuyu sometimes takes this route too, but that doesn’t mean… Saori closes her eyes and leans against Hoshino until the train comes.
“See you tomorrow, Saori.”
“You too.”
Saori spends her train ride calculating how many sweets she could buy with her next paycheck so she doesn’t fall asleep. She goes up to her apartment and stumbles into the bath. She changes into her pajamas and lies down on her futon.
“It’s okay, tomorrow will be better,” Saori tells herself. She turns off the light and closes her eyes. She dreams.
”When I saw you holding his hand, I think I was jealous for the first time.”
“Jealous? Of me?”
“No, I think… I wanted to be the one holding your hand.”
“Mafuyu… I want you to hold it too.”
When she wakes up, Saori isn’t sure she’s actually awake. She checks her phone which she apparently hadn’t looked at since 7 PM last night. There is one voice message from Mafuyu...?
Mafuyu: Saori are you really dating that guy? I heard from Yagami but I couldn’t believe… Well anyway we should talk! Let me know how things are going!
Saori closes her phone and forces herself to take a deep breath. Her heart had been doing gymnastics while listening but… Yes, she’s keeping her secret, her confession close to her chest. She’ll tell Yagami to stay out of her business too.
(It had been a nice dream, though…)